To Be A Child
written at Wednesday, June 16, 2010"Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows" A quote from British poet John Betjeman. This quote struck a chord with me while watching the movie "The boy in the striped pyjamas".
I feel that there is truth in this statement. I can remember my childhood, it wasn't as complicated, I didn't have to worry about many things in life, I didn't have to contemplate different meanings, different truths, everything seemed to be more simple. It all boiled down to just a few factors, sights, sounds and smells and maybe a few more that meant a lot to me as a child. Then as I got older, my mind started to wander, my mind started to set forth on a journey, my mind started to expand beyond my little playground world, it stepped into the real world. Suddenly, I was aware about the various things "adults" go through, knowing that one day I will have to go through it myself. I won't stay young forever. I can't be a kid forever.
So then the dark age of reason grows, as my mind and conscience gets bombarded with many things, good and bad, I start to make choices. These choices ultimately manifest itself in actions, words, personalities, habits and not to mention, idiosyncrasies. The choices I am faced with can be hard choices, difficult choices, sometimes I can't handle them. Sometimes I feel like retreating, but of course, you cannot reverse time, you cannot tell yourself that you want to be a kid again, where everything is more simple. You wake up in the morning, run to the TV and jump to sesame street, or you sit down with your brother to play with some Lego or Play dough. Not realising that while you are doing so, your parents are on their work desks or rooms working through the family finances, making tough decisions, over the things of life needed to sustain us.
I can still remember some typical scenario from films where the couple will be going through a bitter divorce, arguing over the custody of their child, the atmosphere is so thick with frustration, anger and regret. Choices. And their Consequences.
And then, in the midst of all of this. Their son Timmy will come along, he had just finished playing with his little Transformers figurines. And little Timmy will ask...
"Mummy, where is Daddy doing?"
"Timmy, everything will be fine, trust me, Daddy is just going away for awhile"
"Will he come back to play?"
"Not for some time dear, not for some time. Why not you go back to your room and play?
"Alright..."
So Timmy retreats back to his room. He sits down, takes out his figurines and continues his recreational activity. And oh...is he too young to understand. Too young to understand the consequences, both good and bad, that comes about through the choices that people make, the decisions based on their very reasoning.
But thinking about it, God has designed my life to be this way, it seems that there is a time for everything. Even if it means making the most crappy decisions I can ever make which ends up frustrating me. Living with it, living with the outcome of choice, living with the product of reason.
There is one decision, however, that I do not regret making, that is to follow Him. Of course, it does not mean that being a follower of Christ somewhat dampens or soften the consequences of my decisions, but there is something even more liberating. That is, my reasoning, as faulty as it may be, is still guided by His perfect will, and to me, with much relief, is something that I thank God for.
I want to receive His kingdom like a child.
